Rewrite Club: Dataiku podcast ad
Some of us can’t help it. When we see or hear mediocre ads in the wild, our weird brains automatically switch to punch-up mode. We replace weak words with strong words. Flip it from passive to active voice, from convoluted to clear.
Usually I keep all that inside. Today I’m letting some of it escape and kicking off a series. I’ve invited Cass Marketos to join me on the maiden voyage of Rewrite Club. She’s a digital & content strategist based between New York and Los Angeles who has worked across art, tech, and government.
Rewrite Club is simple. The original ad. Our reactions. Our rewrites.
But first…copywriting is hard work! Like any other commercialized creative process, deadlines, stakeholders, competing priorities, brand guidelines and writer’s block will — inevitably — conspire against even the most talented creatives. We’ve all shipped copy that could have been better, so let’s not be precious about it. These are just quick, uninformed rewrites. We’re doing this to sharpen our skills and have some fun. Not to mock, nitpick, or condescend.
Here we go. I caught this ad on WSJ’s excellent podcast The Journal:
Original:
This episode is brought to you by Dataiku: the platform for everyday AI. Getting value from AI isn’t just about technology, but organizational transformation. Infuse AI into the day-to-day of your business, from solving for the mundane to undertaking moonshots. Elevate your people, teams, and company to extraordinary. Visit dataiku dot com. That’s d-a-t-a-i-k-u dot com.
Cass’s reaction:
My original reaction to this is simply that it doesn’t make any sense. I have no idea what this platform actually does. The sentences don’t feel like they logically follow each other, and certainly don’t build into any coherent understanding of what Dataiku actually is or does. Blunter language and a few practical examples would help close the gap for most listeners, I’d imagine. They really only need to convey a few, key messaging points: they’re easy to use, no technical proficiency required — and they’re good for both improving existing tasks and creating entirely new possibilities. Easy, right? (LOL.)
Cass’s rewrite:
This episode is brought to you by Dataiku: the platform for transforming your organization with easy-to-use AI. Whether it’s making daily tasks more efficient, from more accessible data analysis and visualization, to superior project management, or launching your next moonshot, Dataiku helps your team work smarter, and make better decisions, for the best possible business outcomes. Elevate into the extraordinary with Dataiku. Visit dataiku dot com. That’s d-a-t-a-i-k-u dot com.
Ian’s reaction (to original):
There are some interesting concepts to play with here, especially “everyday AI.” And I like the “let’s be real” tone that breaks through when they talk about “solving for the mundane.” But most of the copy is vague (e.g. “getting value”), and weakened by management speak (e.g., “moonshots”).
Ian’s rewrite (of original):
This episode is brought to you by Dataiku. The most sophisticated companies in the world know that AI-driven growth isn’t just about heroic breakthroughs. It’s the product of thousands of better decisions. It’s the relentless pursuit of new use cases to test, new teams to empower. These companies practice Everyday AI. And now you can, too, with Daitaku: the platform for Everyday AI. Visit dataiku dot com. That’s d-a-t-a-i-k-u dot com.
What do you think? Did we improve it? Weaken it? 😬 How would you rewrite it? Leave a comment with your reaction. And if you encounter an ad in the wild and find yourself mentally rewriting it, please submit it (igreenleigh at gmail) or publish your own with the tag rewriteclub.
